Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
