i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
