How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
