I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
