so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
