My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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