That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
