You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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