Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize