my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
