Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
