Your mouth is God's brothel.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
