If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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