I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
