Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Boobs speak an international language.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
