maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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