I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
