Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
