Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
