I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
