I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
