i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
