If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
