Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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