i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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