if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
