i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
