I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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