i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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