Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize