If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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