I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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