he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
