I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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