i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His nipple licking is glorious
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