i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
