I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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