im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize