sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
