def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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