shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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