She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize