if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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