remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
