my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
