I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize