I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
