my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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