so explain again why im purple
no
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
