new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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