probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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