i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
