The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
