Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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