I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
