I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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