Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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