your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
