I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
