yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
