Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize