tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
