She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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