I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize