when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
