shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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