Your tits are I can't wait for
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
