haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
