Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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