i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
