Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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